This quarter got me thinking a lot about this. After all, that’s the point of university, right? Learning. Growth. Pushing past your limits. Challenging yourself. But how do we know that we’re challenging ourselves, and not just pushing past our breaking point? Of course, there’s no simple “answer”, but I’ve tried to wrap my head around this concept of what it means to truly challenge yourself.
1. The Stress Factor
Is stress an inherent part of challenging yourself? Does a lack of academic stress mean I’m not pushing myself?
This was the first quarter at Stanford that found me in 12 units, the minimum required course load, which translates into a pretty light course-load compared to a full 20-units of classes. So class-wise, I was cruising, but did that mean I wasn’t stressed out? Far from. I found myself stressed by emotional, mental, social and existential things, but rarely by academic things. I found myself wondering if a lack of academic stress meant that I wasn’t challenging myself enough. I wondered if sleep deprivation, late nights, and not having times to exercise or eat properly were signs that yes, I was challenging myself.
Because yes, I found myself keeping late nights, never exercising, snacking all day long, and really slacking on self-care. Was this my subconscious way of making things “hard’ for myself? Maybe I just wanted to be able to relate, because shared stress is so much of what brings students from everywhere together. If I didn’t have anything to complain about, was I even a student? After all, misery likes company, right?
We’ve all gotten this question endless times: “How are you? How’s the quarter going?” My immediate answer is always some variation of: “Class-wise it’s good, I have a really light course-load this time, which I’m grateful for, but there are still other emotional and mental things that can be stressful.” Which was true, most of the time. And when people reacted with, “Oh I’m sorry to hear that! I hope it gets better” or offered some other words of support, I almost felt like a fraud because they were validating non-academic stress in a way that I didn’t expect, but fully appreciated.
2. Diversity in Strengths and Weaknesses
If each of us has such vastly different strengths and weaknesses, doesn’t it follow that we also have different ways of challenging ourselves?
At Stanford, there’s allegedly greater value placed on Tech than on Humanities. Though I find myself surrounded by people who definitely appreciate the Humanities as much as tech, this phenomenon extends beyond Stanford. Culturally, too, there is greater value placed on “technical” professions like engineering, law, and medicine, which are deemed practical and prestigious. Anyone from back home who hears that I’m a Human Biology (HumBio) major who likes to write asks me what I plan to do after college; they wonder how I plan to make a living. Being a Humanities major already makes me feel like I’m not challenging myself as much as a pre-med student is. I’m not taking science classes every quarter. I’m not struggling through weekly problem sets (p-sets), midterms and lab work. Instead, I am basking in the relative comfort of my writing assignments.
What’s interesting is that on the other hand, there are people who abhor writing, and would much rather solve math or chemistry problems than write an essay. The assignments for all my classes this quarter have been writing-based: show reports, reading reflections and summaries, a community health plan, wellness plans, class reflections, personal essay, workshop letters…and when I describe this to some people, it seems like a lot to them. The thought of revising my 10-pag creative non-fiction essay is both exciting and challenging to me; I am in my element. I’d take this over p-sets any day. Similarly, I’m sure there are pre-med students out there who feel the challenge of their work-load, but enjoy it nonetheless!
All this is to say that things challenge and engage different people in different ways. Essays that pose a challenge to someone else are greeted with open arms by people like myself. But does embracing something mean it can’t be challenging? Because, let me tell you, it wasn’t smooth sailing all the way this quarter. I still worked my butt off on each and every assignment. I pushed myself, but it wasn’t stressful in the same way that previous Chem and math classes had been for me.
So maybe challenging yourself isn’t even about being stressed out. Maybe it isn’t about pushing past our limits, and challenging ourselves at the expense of our health, mental or otherwise. Perhaps instead of straining against our weaknesses to be something we’re not, challenging ourselves means pushing in the direction of our strengths. Maybe that’s the key to embracing and enjoying challenges.
3. The Challenge of Daily Life
The mundane can be challenging in its own right.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from college, it’s that even the mundane, regular days can be exhausting, mentally, socially and otherwise. I think having a light course-load gave me the brain-space to discover this: Existing is its own challenge!
There are good days, of course, then there are days when getting out of bed is the absolute hardest thing to do, and the thought of interacting with people makes you want to crawl back under the covers and stay there forever. Social interactions, acknowledging feelings, working through feelings, going to class, attending meetings, sending emails, eating a balanced meal, adjusting to schedule changes and failed plans…all these things drain your battery even before you add things like homework, and assignments, and the things we typically consider “difficult”.
I’m thinking about a day last week that embodied this; it started with an 8:30am meeting with a professor, then a HumBio class, a writing tutor shift, a peer counseling shift, a meeting with my academic advisor, emails to send, a creative writing event, and finally, pan practice. Separately, none of these things are inherently challenging, but altogether they create a socially exhausting day. And you know what, at the end of it, I have to pat myself on the back and say “Congrats Astrid for making it through that day.” I may not have had an assignment due, a project to complete, or an essay to hand in, but I sure pushed myself in other ways, and that’s just as valid.
So what’s the answer?
How do you know that yes, you are indeed challenging yourself?
Though I want definite answers, I think we all have to decide for ourselves how we challenge ourselves, and how much of a role stress plays in that challenge. Maybe, for some people, a little bit of stress is a part of what it means to challenge themselves. For me, I want to challenge myself in healthy, appropriate ways to reach my highest potential without compromising health or wellbeing. I want to challenge myself in a balanced way that aligns with my strengths, goals, and values.