A letter from me to you
It’s Christmas eve eve,
and all through my brain,
all the thoughts were running,
trying to drive me insane.
I took to my laptop
and let them spew.
because i refused to freak out
Dear Reader,
Yes. It’s 11:30pm on Christmas Eve Eve and after not blogging for months I’ve reappeared on the blog scene. Because when your thoughts come knocking at the door of your brain there's no ignoring it. My usual MO when it comes to dealing with life is to vent to myself somehow, which usually includes journalling or writing and making lists of some kind. So here goes.
Reasons I should freak out:
1. It's Christmas Eve Eve. Have I done any Christmas shopping? No. Any Christmas card making? No. Any Christmas gift lists? No. Any Christmas preparation whatsoever? No...does thinking about Christmas count as preparation?
2. Is my soul even ready for Jesus? No.
3. Have I accomplished any of the things I'd hoped to accomplish in the last few days? Nope.
4. Am I prepared for Christmas Eve training tomorrow? No, but I will be.
This list can go on and on but I don't see the point. Because the real issue here is that I'm not prepared for Christmas in any way, form or fashion. And this lack of preparation has less to do with gift-giving and more to do with soul-cleaning. It feels like Christmas came creeping in this year and inserted itself into my schedule. Instead of things being centred around Christmas like they should be, it feels more like Christmas is a bomb that's been dropped right in the middle of things. It shouldn't be this way.
But if there's one thing I've learned in the last few months, it's this: There is no point in freaking out. What's done is done and the only way to go is forward. So instead of freaking out about all the things I haven't gotten done, I'm going to make a plan for the future. Starting now. I was always a firm believer in New Year's Resolutions, but now I put my faith in New Day's resolutions.
Isn't it beautiful to think that no matter what crap happened today, we can sleep and wake up tomorrow morning to the completely new, unblemished, blank page of a new day? This may seem like a most obvious fact, but just because it's staring us right in the face, there is no reassurance unless we truly believe it. It's so important to believe that waking up in the morning presents us with a fresh opportunity to be better than the day before. Because that's the real definition of progress for me: Being better than the person you were yesterday.
So here I am. Not freaking out. I stopped myself before I could. There are countless times when I've sat and mourned the things I failed to do, when the time spent moping could've been spent towards achieving said goals. So if you really think about it, wallowing in self-pity is just self-justified procrastination.
So here I am. Writing this post. Not caring that it's almost midnight or that I haven't posted in months. Of course, I've been meaning to blog regularly. But that obviously didn't work out.
I am not freaking out.
And neither should you.
Wishing you a most productive and merry Christmas Eve.
Yours truly,
The girl who refuses to freak out